I’m blogging about the Oscars! (Instead of writing my screenplay.)
5:00 pm - I wonder how long it will be before somebody says “bitch” or “ass.”
5:15 pm - John Stewart didn’t say it.
5:56 pm - It’s funny that there’s a Make-up category but there isn’t an award for Acting Coach, Psychotherapy or Boob Implantation. “And the Oscar for best breasts goes to…”
5:59 pm - Musical theater is there to remind us that suicide is serious business and we shouldn’t judge, we should help.
6:07 pm - Still no “bitch” or “ass.”
6:48 pm - Ha! No Country for Old Men scores again! Let’s have a frozen pizza.
7:30 pm - Still looking for that “bitch” or “ass.”
7:55 pm - Deep Purple selling cars. Well, I guess there are worst things.
7:58 pm - John Stewart is awesome. He let that pretty woman come back and talk.
8:25 pm - Aw. They gave it to the stripper.
8:35 pm - I abandoned my son! I abandoned my son! I abandoned my boy!
8:45 pm - No Country, people. Know that.
8:46 pm - Denzell is so damn fresh.
8:46 pm - You hear the sound of a broom? We call that The No Country Sweep.
8:50 pm - Well, not exactly a sweep. But pretty damn close. Well, I want to thank everybody for coming out. It’s been a great night. I was on page 76 at 5:00 and now I’m on page 81. Not exactly procrastination, not exactly super productive. Somewhere in between. We’ll say I was procrastive.
And congratulations to John Stewart. He brought us in under four hours. And even though I didn’t get my “bitch” or my “ass,” I did get to see Amy Adams. And that’s never bad.